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          As I sit before my laptop now, my emotions are surreal. I can't seem to write anymore, vague notions, whimsical whims and faint ideas...Nothing else seem to come to me at this time. I can sense an emotion filled post coming as I am typing frantically. Somehow, there's a strong form of contradiction that exists within me at this moment, a part of me is overjoyed, filled with ecstasy; yet a part of me longs for something intangible, something that I myself do not know.

           Ecstasy has filled my soul for the past few weeks, but somehow today I woke up feeling different. My intuition seems to fill my head with doubts that cannot be explained, doubts that cannot be put into words; I can't explain what I'm feeling right now - complicated. Intricacy once again unveils itself  within me, complicating whatever that has already been simplified. Emotions aren't exactly stable at the present moment, intuition tells me to not push on, yet emotions continue to grow strong despite my conscious efforts to retaliate on them  .

            I can't seem to express myself with words, there's this insatiable feeling within, that stirs me up, I feel like screaming at the top of my voice. The throbbing in my cranial enclosure tells me that it's not worth putting myself through such a pain. I know that I'm not perfect, yet I strive so much for perfection; we all do I guess! Perfection within ourselves and those around us; a craving that never ends! They say ignorance is a great bliss, but I feel ,Ignorance pains the soul, it pains those who are around you too equally; Ignorance of the self and the ones around us!

              I know,I'm not supposed to feel like this, it's not a feeling that I desire, yet I find myself in this dilemma and predicament which makes me feel totally lost . I can't seem to get this feeling out of my system, no matter how hard I try, it keeps coming back as if it was meant to be!

              The rain outside ,seems like complementing my thought stream, with the sound of those drizzles and the solitaire breeze, that plays a surreally musical note around.

Is someone trying to tell me something through this notion of mine? Am I not prepared to handle things such as these? Am I not mature enough for something of this magnitude? I don't know. All I know is that my emotions have made me so lost that I can barely find my way back into reality. Why is it that when there's a tangibility, those fears, doubts and insecurities seem to fade away? And do build up at the moment vagueness sets in ?Something that never ever happened to me before! Why is that so? The answers seems to be so weird! :P

This doesn’t reach anywhere...the more I think, the more it gets me entangled in! Yes, when thoughts stir you up, and memories start chaining you like anything, at times it’s sensible to refrain all those shackles and to fall consciously into a deep sleep; a diplomatic way of negligence or ignorance, though it aint a solution that counts forever! ;)