A fallen leaflet from Life !

                               "So finally we are gonna meet !" The voice on the other side was excited. So was I. Still I just expressed it with a feeble hmm..Ignoring that she continued, "When was the last time we met? Before You left the city at the beginning of the year..Right? Oh so its been nearly a year !'"She sounded like a freak.
I sighed. "So we'll meet up at the usual place? And you wanna see a movie? Like the last time? , I asked rather lightly, mocking a smile. A second later, I profusely wondered whether she found out that deliberate act of mine. I felt ashamed of myself. Not that I ain’t delighted with the idea of meeting my ever best friend, to be specific the childhood friend of mine who still owns the throne of my best friend, nearly after a year. I was happier, with just the thought of being with her. It was always fun being with her. There was something in her that in no one else I found, a special bond, a much safer feel, as I could be myself,  without being judged, or subjected to those insane friendship tests. And may be thats the reason I avoided meeting her all these months. I knew it. May be she knew it too. With the changes, hard decisions, pitfalls and blunders shadowing my Life, I found it pretty difficult to confront most of my friends, and she was the most obvious of all, My best friend.

                       Her husky voice broke my chain of thoughts. "Ahh Like the last time..Though the movie wasn't a penny worth, I loved being with you. U do remember the way that fat aunty who sat beside you asked, while you were half asleep. Dont you?? Your expression was countless!" She laughed heartily. 
The sound of her laughter portrayed her innocence; I nearly visualized her face, the way how she would be laughing off, on the other side of the phone. I wanted to express how excited I was, of meeting her, but something inside was growling, the fear of disclosure, the fear of being vulnerable after so long. 
"And Yes I wanna see a movie, whatever crap it is. I wanna spent a whole day with you. That’s it." She finished and waited for my reply. I found it hard to utter words. Things had started to boil up in my head.
A minute's pause and I replied. "Yup So 9.30.  The usual place. okay.?"  
"Yup" She agreed. I had nothing else to say, "Goodnight dear."  I said blankly, and With that I disconnected the line. The beep sound echoed in my ears and I sat still, holding the receiver, illusion-ed by the thoughts.

                     As usual I was late. I found three missed calls and two texts from her when I checked the phone after a shower. She knew me. She was afraid, I wouldn’t even have woken up, the texts said to get up from sleep and to get ready as soon as possible, with the probabilities of rains these days. A smile curved my lips. May be she found me still the same, that old Ayyo-Paavam girl, though I find myself pretty different after going through a hell lot of Life traumas.I sighed deply. Its always nice to have people in your lives who would just take you the way you are. No need of pretensions, and hardships to keep them around. They just won’t leave you however harsh you tend to be.

Thoughts churned  my mind, in and around, all the while I was walking. She never was that friend of mine on whom I leaned always for help, support or comfort. May be I never do that with people any more. But our relationship wasn't ever measured with the frequency of phone calls, or the duration of talks or the coherent meetings. It was the depth, innocense, truth, sincerity, and above all love, that strengthened it. I never called her for hours or lamented about my state anytime, nor did I ever call her, to boast of my achievements and happiness. But all these years I used to text her the events, the saddest, the happiest, the best and the worst happening in  my life. Just a text for which I never needed a reply. She knew it and never did she reply. I just wanted her to be aware of the things that are happening in my Life. To make sure that she doesn't lose track of me or find it difficult to relate on a later time. No calls. No meetings. For the past one year. A series of events in a year. My Life was sort of happening. And I avoided meeting her every time. She wanted to meet me and Know from me the things. I never gave her a face. And now the time has come. And I knew I have to confront her, at someday it had to happen. I built-up my mind and increased my pace of walking. The breezy morning air was soothening. A sight- long ahead, I saw a tall, seemingly fragile shade of a girl waiting. Yes It has to be her. My spirits woke up. I walked ahead briskly.

                            The meeting was sorta turning me skeptical. She sat beside me with my right hand in hers. She carelessly caressed my long nails- something much typical of her. The bus was crowdy and I tried hard to keep on talking to avoid the questions from her. She kinda sensed it and did her best, to keep the conversation going. There wasn’t ever a pause or silence between us for nearly an hour, all the way to our destination. We chatted on, almost everything, my new college life, friends, experiences, her new two-wheeler, the short film her brother was about to direct, and how her mom was irritated of she, going  to meet me instead of going along with her to her native place. Laughter lightened me up. I felt much better. But still there was a dam in me, kept bounded, bounded with hard rocks, about to break any moment. I could stealthily sense the cracks forming. I feared it would break. But ironically, I didn't want it to.

                              The regional movie at a local theatre was her choice. For the first time I sat with her not saying a word during the movie. She stole glances of me every now and then, astonished by the way I sat, and I could sense it. I was impressed with the theme but the presentation of the film quite irritated me. Finally when I said' 'It would have been pretty fine if they refunded the money'' She laughed heartily. We always had the same opinions. Only thing that differed was that, I was quite adamant and she was more poised. And now I know, there is a much greater difference between the two.

                             Her favourite restaurant, her favourite food. Everything her favourite, was mine too. There never was room for a second opinion, though things had started to change slightly now. While walking through the pavement, licking our way through the Ice cream, from baskin & robins, She told, "Life is at its best as of now.", I just smiled at her.

                           The journey back was filled with silence. I couldn’t believe that, till that time, I couldn't tell her anything on all that, raged a war within me these days. I wished hard, if she asked me anything about it ! I wanted to start, but I didn't know from where. I found the deep silences pounding sharp yet silent, piercing questions at me on her behalf. With all that.. I felt being choked...I couldn’t utter a single word.

                           She was sitting with her eyes wandering over the nooks and corners of the streets, that we passed by. She seemed quite calm. I literally felt an ocean lashing its noisy waves in me. The thought of this contradiction made me stare at her for some time, in a hope that she would turn around the next moment. As if heard my thoughts, in a minute, she turned towards me. I was shocked for a moment. I stared at her. My eyes spoke all those that I wanted to say. She just holded my  hands and pressed them lightly as a sign  of assurance. I was about to break. I sensed those droplets rolling up in my eyes. 
                 "I don’t want you to confess anything to me. Nor do I want you to share it with me, If its this hard for you" She said softly. I literally broke off. "Do you Think I’m cruel? Selfish? I had no other way to deal with it.’"My voice stammered. She holded me closer to her. "Who told you are cruel? You are just innocent, these tears show it all. It’s been a year and you aren’t outta that. You give the punishment and punish yourself. I don’t think that’s selfishness. And I have never met anyone as innocent as you."
                 I vaguely wiped off a tear that rolled through my cheeks in spite of my vehement struggles to dry it at its point of origin. She paused and continued. "And you know what? I am really proud to have you as my Friend. To be strong and innocent at the same time requires character! And you got that."

I was seemingly searching for the answers within myself for which I never ever had an answer on my own. She whispered in my ears’ Everything is gonna be perfect. Rejoice ! For which you have passed His test. You did the right thing. At times People need to understand things, beyond words. And if they fail to do that, the fault isn’t yours. I find no reason to blame you.’

                She sighed and glanced at me. The whole rush and people in the bus seemed nothing to me. It was just her and me. I felt relieved. The safer feel, of being with someone who understands without , the need to utter a word. A bliss ! She holded my hand in hers and I carelessly bent to rest my head on her shoulders. I felt like she has the unique ability to read my mind, cause all these days no-one figured out what my eyes said, rather they believed what my words meant, while all it meant was faking around.

                     I realized, over the years how our relationship had gained strength. It was this bond-the care that kept it alive all these years, even without much an effort, or initiative. Yes a relationship never does change. It’s the People who change. Pathetically they go with the flow and tend to change the relationships too. And that’s what hurts. Hurts for the one’s who preserve relationships. I felt contented, of having a best friend who knows me beyond myself.

The screaming voice of the bus conductor reminded me of nearing my place. I bid her a surreal bye and walked towards the door. Before stepping out, I momentarily turned back, to catch a last glimpse of hers, and there she sat, smiling at me, her long hair tamelessly fluttering in the breeze. Her nose ring shone brighter in the sunlight and lit her face in an aura I had never noticed before !