A minute of the day..

           I stare and stare at these pages and it makes no sense of loitering emotions in me. As the blank new post page welcomes me I am drained of all those I wanted to write this morning. Yes after all whats it that need for these thoughts to be expressed, who is to be impressed and convinced? Well as the days pass by I do realize me becoming more colder in every aspects. For instance, I have been concerned lately of how many people reads my blog rather than before when I yearned to know who all reads my blog. I have been removing and blocking all those people who had that key to reach me by every means. Attachments have become my nightmares these days. I do realise its this that I was afraid of that day. This state. You must be remembering the day when I told I'm afraid. Well Everything does make sense now.

                   Well these fucked up whims arise from the small series of events that happened today morning. I was totally packed in time running through my make up sessions this morning before my morning 7.30 class, that this text message that made me out of my world, think, calculate, analyse, totally fuck  my mind and finally kept me frozen all day, arrived. I just have this rare memory of reading it and it did turn my world, the world I was building out of the shattered scratches all through these months. Well it was obvious that it would  happen, but this early was painful. Painful ! Is that the right word I should use? I wonder. With every of the hopes of a person just swept out in a fore rush of decisions and events and when you are left with just one thought stuck up in your head, in-spite of the hard efforts to just escape out of it, its not compassion that you seek, its just a manifold of humanity that is expected. I was terribly wrong. Humanity and this world. I must be kidding. The forbidden rules were crossed.And no wonder it happened this way. The repentance, and forgiveness is mistaken for weakness of the soul. And its freakingly hilarious that there is a point where this repentance out of care, and love just vanish and become colder cause of the pain endured and everything just seems to give you that feel of that reddish serum slightly finding its way to the bloodstream through those blue swollen veins. The colder feel that sends a riverie through the spines. With the fact that however harder it gets and seems, you remain alive. It eases the pains that are yet to come. Just like that.

                    And the feel of being fooled is the worst I tell You. Fooled by the destiny rather than by people. Beliefs, hopes, everything seems to be just foolish assorts that keep you away from reality. They aren't a penny-worth. When Life was fucking harder I had tried my best to stay budding on those wried Hope twigs. The more I watered those the more my eyes turned watery. And after all these months, my hope plant just died an immature death with just a single text. Well it wasn't just a text, It was all those factors that made me realize I was being Left back alone for enduring this.Hope dies and whats left back? A question thats to be paid attention to.

Why do some people sadistically seem to find their happiness in the dreath of sorrows of the one's attatched? That aint revenge of any kind. Revenge is a manifestation of justice. That aint masochistic either. Revenge is Justice manifested at the right time. It must be a yet to be named emotion that makes people be happy of the patheticity of the others. I regret all those things that would have happened with just a thoughtful deed.  I am ungrateful of the fact that somebody could make all my fears and the things that people cautioned me of happening, come true ! Its instances like these that make us lose belief in the humanitarian values even. People are fucking hilarious. Fakers. The ones that fake everything, emotions, relationships and what not?. They fear to shed a tear, yet make the ones around floating in a pool of tears and tend to run away from those I sympathise all those fakers who cant even reach out to the ones who care for them. Well, Faith is torn apart, and its  been teaching me the art of playing a scare crow. Well its a path to the best days. No wonder its strewn with thorns. Anyhow it did make me relish and enjoy the reds ! The one's I always hated and feared. Embracing your fears does make you stronger.It seems I have been poisoned. As long as it doesnt kill me, I wish to be this.