A stroll with the thoughts !

             And the world seemed to be in darkness, inspite the brightly lit sodium vapour side lamps that literally bathed the streets in the yellow tint, and the flashing lights from the vehicles typically,racing through the roads . Walking wasn't making me exhausted. It was the un-ending search for the destination, a lost feel, that oozed the blood out of me. Like in a maze, I walked the same yellow light strewn streets, passed those dusty windows again and again, kinda lost in the clamour of the crowd, wondering whether I'm literally in a circle with no entrance and exit ways to escape out. The  people around were murmuring, their voices were heard, but soon, like the background scores they faded too..and there remained an insipid vagueness that slaughtered my mind.

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                 'Tututu tutu.. Tututu Tutu..Tututu Tutu..Tututu tutu...Tututu Tu..I'm tired of being what you want me to be....' The euphoric numb/encore of the Linkin- park-JayZ fame, soared high and made my tangled, inherently wandering dream to shatter to pieces. On opening my eyelids, to be true just the single eyelid, that too with pretty much efforts, my right hand stretching out hard to find my Mobile phone in a haste to snooze the alarm as fast as I can, I accidentally found out the fact that half the day was kinda over. I woke up pretty fucked up.With the dreams sueing my days aren't that unusual. On realising it was one among my usual mind-fucking dreams, I lethargically yawned and checked whether I could possibly have a nap at least for the next ten minutes.The last night was too much information that I could handle. With the scientific world unfolding into a paradox in front of me, via the internet, I found myself tirelessly glued to my laptop till 5.00 in the morning, before embracing my bed and the nightmare sounding dreams for the rest 6 hours to entertain myself with. Well though I aint that punctual about the time I go to bed or wake up, I kinda strictly need 6 hours of peaceful sleep... to be clear peaceful apart from the mind-fucking dreams,kinda fixed idea of having proper rest- regime I prefer for myself. :P

                           I checked my to do notes and sighed, the auspicious afternoon, may be a couple of hours later, I was supposed to Present my Much awaited Credit Seminar, for which I had been preparing for the last two days almost half dead by yesterday, after I had this vehement realization and came to the conclusion that the Scientific world is quite bigger than I have ever imagined. The pressure of Excellence was ruling me, the perfectionist in me was screaming out loud.

                           After a quick shower,while rushing through my slides,as the last minute preparations, I had my most sweeto-brunch, probably my only food for the entire day, which my amma had kept, prepared on the table, with a best of luck note by its side. It surely did Lift my confidence to a higher degree, hopefully because I desperately needed an uplift that time. Its always like that, an act or a Li'l effort from the one's we love and care for,at instances like these have the power to elevate us to much greater extents. Hurry-ing my way to the campus I realized it would just take two hours for me to stand in front of a cluster of scientific -guys and a class with a bunch of young minds the former trying desperately to dissect my presentation in inches and the latter obviously beaming and bubbling with hell lot of curiously shot questions that were definite to screw me up. The thought itself was scary, it kinda sent a lightning- fast chill through my spines.

                           The pressure to do well does dwell in all of us. But when it exceeds the critical limits, people are surprisingly found to have a cult lowering of blood pressure which leads to sudden fainting, lose of conciousness and the time they take to recover from the state is obviously directly proportional to the amount of built-up stress they have** :D 

                            OMG! I speak Science. Science have spoiled me I guess. Had that fear always, but never thought it would be this early :P The scientific language is creeping in, however hard I try. May be the last two days were too much. :P

                             So this Me! ; Was simmering, stammering, and was at the verge of losing my conciousness before which I somehow, gained enough courage to meet my faculty in charge to let him know my state. And his reply was beyond my frequencies to resonate with, at that moment. 'Well, Go with the flow. Lets see what all will happen. Something for sure has to happen. And believe that will be for your best.'

                             Ofcourse I did mess up the whole Presentation, Thanks to my inherent stress- building capacity and consequent stress maintenance. To be frank I carried with me a Stress bomb today, that totally screwed up my session; the stress..A longing for perfection . But a million thanks to the moments that I spent alluring of what I needed, to bring out that best in me, to survive in this ever competent scientific world, where Science innovates itself every moment, to tune to which I guess it would take a zillion power packed efforts of mine with a life-time of long nights and years of insanely-innovative thinking. :)
Well Long way ahead. Lets keep walking :)

P.S : Guess its high time I start to un-learn the skill of perfectionism. It sucks to be perfect in a totally imperfect world :P
** (Drops of wisdom that I gained by personal experiences obviously an en number of times in the short 22- year span. :P)