The Innate Musings of an Insane Mind :)

I am afraid I may not stand this feel. The feeling of falling apart is pathetic. I so wanna live. I can hear the call. And I strongly feel I may not survive this. Wish hard there was a way back. Wish hard I could be that innocent again. Concerns seem to fill within, and I have become gruesomely odd. The uninterrupted analysis of where it went wrong, every day and night, is driving me nuts.I need some rest, or my brains would burst. May be a pretty long rest. A deeper sleep would suffice, a lenient escape to the other world.  Don't worry, You wont ever be blamed. Cause I have destroyed everything that reminds me of you. Nobody would ever know you ever existed.  Just couldn't destroy those reminiscence of You in me. The more I live, the more will they grow in me, rooted deeply. I have been searching and there isn't a way out, I know I am trapped. Tried all ways to get you out of my head, and you simply wont leave.Silly it may sound to you, It means much to me. Finall...

   Music eases off the pains. Takes you to another world, a world where there aren't those disturbing thoughts, or mysterous yearnings; just those soothing rythms! Yes Music is freedom, Its eases off  the vacuousness of Life. Music~!  #Inloveforthesecondtime http://www.musicaloud.com/  The musical night. Nighto ;)  P.S: Waiting hard for the Guitar sessions to start. Come soon January ! :)

Kando Kando kinavil innorale Karalin ullil  innolam kanathorale Kando paavam kinave nee parayee parayee nee kandathare thuzhayoo thuzhayoo arum kanatheerathekku avana puzhayil veru m orolam pole ente paavam kinave ente paavam kinave kando kando kan niraye ninne kayal kadalin kannetha doorangal kanum pole ethippin neray njan ozhuki neeya kadalerum kayalay ozhuki ozhuki azhal kannum theerum thaandi ullil ulkkannil kadalezhum neeyaay njan thelineeraay P.S : Waiting !

P.S :Blaaah! IT aint LUV, ITS LAAUV :)

P.S :Woohoo. :D After the intoxicating effect of the  Reservoir dogs, Pulp fiction, Death proof, Inglorious Bastards and above all Kill bill, I find it irresistible to wait for this release of QT. Khair, March 29 it is, in India, when three quarter of the whole world would have finished watching it!! # Injustice ! 

To be in any dimension of love, doesnt require much efforts or much fuming  thoughts. Its this simple as it is. Its pure acceptance of a person, with all the faults, such that how ever hard you decide to pick up a battle against them You always end up advocating their side. The sweetest, yet hilariously painful feel. :) P.S : Arghhhh!!! I shouldnt have seen that movie. :( :( Long Night. Nighto !

Long waits, with the exam seasons and finally I made to it today, after a week of commencement of my holidays. Well all these days I was afraid of watching this, just because of the fact that it would terribly make me upset and increase the degree of my devastation. But I never am up to avoid something to move ahead in life. And thats what made me have this sarcasm unveil before me today. Though I aint that a movie critic, well I am an intentionally converted movie buff, I was intentional to watch this one to experience the GVM magic. What unveiled before me on the screen was a part of me Nithya vasudevan aka Samantha ! Its hard when you relate to movies, not the entire story though. You go through all those all over again and realise that its never over, and never ever will you get over those.  Well about the film, not that acceptable, and relished due to its positive happy ending, well finally I've become a sadist too. While the VTV was a class, this one seemed like...

P.S :Dont know why, I share a very special bond with this song, especially the character played by shobhana. The lonely childhood, the insane affinity to books and words, craziness and curiosity to be a part of the customs and beliefs that I dont at all believe in, the similarities are a hell lot. Lol No wonder If I become that a mental patient too in near future :D 

Kehte hain: Khuda ne iss jahaan mein  Sabhi ke liye kisi na kisi ko hai banaaya Har kisi ke liye Tera milna hai uss rab ka ishaara  Maano mujhko banaya tere jaise hi kisi ke liye  Kuch toh hai tujh se raabta  Kuch toh hai tujh se raabta Kaise hum jaane, hume kya pata  Kuch toh hai tujh se raabta Tu humsafar hai, phir kya fikar hai Jeene ki wajah hi yehi marna issi ke liye  Kehte hain: Khuda ne iss jahaan mein  Sabhi ke liye kisi na kisi ko hai banaaya Har kisi ke liye hmm Meharbaani jaate-jaate mujh pe kar gaya Guzarta saa lamha ek daaman bhar gaya Tere nazaara mila, roshan sitaara mila Taqdeer ki kashtiyon ko kinara mila Sadiyon se tarse hai jaisi zindagi ke liye Teri saubat mein duaayein hain ussi ke liye Tere milna hai uss rab ka ishaara Maano mujhko banaya tere hi jaise kisi ke liye Kuch toh hai tujh se raabta  Kuch toh hai tujh se raabta  Kaise hum jaane hume kya pata...

                   The wildfire news of the female physiotherapy student being gang raped in Delhi by the mid of this month really have made almost all woman folks around shocked, cautious and above all fearful to the core. Screw the case of women even men who advocate humanity fall into this stream.The victim woman, whose name has not been disclosed, who has been called with sympathy of the names, Damini, Nirbhaya and Amanat by the Indian public and media has been in the news for the whole of this week. The incident for sure is slaughtering. Slaughteringly inhumane. I pathetically wonder, what makes the people do things like this. Have we totally lost it all?                   What adds to the contradiction is that it happened in a country like India, where in womanhood is worshipped, and  idolized. Going in depth to the situation, the media says there are about 1,00,000 rape case...

 P.S: Love Nitya Menon, inspite of the fact that the song is a crap :P But  the marriage customs, I so wish I was born at some part out there. Love the marriage :)

P.S:  The worst thing about being nostalgic is that you know the things cant be put back to pieces as before and you finally realize that those were the best of your life time. The pain just echoes in your heart spreads via your nerves and finally the tears just roll down unconditionally, cause you know theres nothing much that can be done from your side. And finally you are forced to put the entire blame on destiny for reigning its charm on you and shattering your Life it the way it is ! But I guess its better to go through those and emerge out stronger rather than avoiding all those that may turn you emotional and vulnerable. Life is to be boldly faced after all, not to be relished only when it tastes better.

                                 At times a silent glance renders you the comfort that is unexplainable. I have experienced the power it has.To run short of words, to be with the close to heart people silently, at times of adversities, everything evokes those unexplainable feelings. We don't often need people to wipe off our tears, we just need them to hand us over the tissues. And I have often observed  those silent yet insignificant people in our lives that makes our days beautiful. Be it the Paper chettan who pristinely smiles at me every  morning spreading the aura of happiness at the colder 6.30's when even the dew around wouldn't have disappeared or be it the Leela chechi at the neighbourhood who showers me with the prasadams of the nearby Shiva temple everyday after her usual visits. Or Let it be the stranger Facebook friend of mine from...

"I was out of contacts with everyone. Its been long since I had even this long a phone call" She seemed to break off. I silently listened to her. I always loved to listen. Contrastingly the stretch of hours and the deteriorating phone balance didn't quite upset me. She was one of the rare souls that I shared a connection with over the years. She needed to be listened. And whatever was my state of being, didn't matter.  Its true that Christmas radiates positiveness. In fact every celebration does. They make people unite, share love and relish those invisible bonds that have faded over the distances and time. "So whats up with you? I saw your Pics. You seem to enjoy Life quite a lot. I loved those. You became beautiful. And You know what I am really happy for you " She paused. My heart wanted to tell her a million things that raged within me. I remained silent. My mind hovered  over all the things that I went through. Cheers to me for making people b...

P.S : Finally I have found out the devil in me ;) :D

Blah Blah Blah ! In the Blah Blah Blah mood . So the ones those who have started reading this post, expect the worst, coz I am really not in my senses. The conversation of an hour and a half  of blabbering seems to have boosted my spirits, and turned the chatter mode on making me blabber the needful, the unwanted, and the unrelevant. Well it did give me the Realisation that That I still have the ability to speak. Thanks to those people who stay with me in spite of the arrogant being I am. To those who even fear to show that deep concern, I have learned to respond the same, with no regrets. A splendid year which could literally turn me The Attitude Girl :P  For everyone deserves to Live. At times you need to stop begging others for forgiveness, regain your dignity, and Forgive yourselves for all that  happened. Self Guilt is worth until some one makes you realize you are not worth it.                     ...

“I, with a deeper instinct, will choose a man who compels my  strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not  doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me  naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a  woman.”                                                                                                                               ― Anaïs Nin

P.S: This long night wasn't really a total waste :)

Its really amazing yet pathetic how life keeps you reminded of certain things that you finally wish hard to forget after the hurl of long conflicts and desperations that reach no where. Its ironical that they seem to rebound, the reasons of which are unknown and we end up attributing them to luck. fate or chance.                                          I was insipidly busy changing the channels on the television getting bored a couple of minutes ago, that my Phone made sound in an unusual tone interrupting my search of the late night movies to spend the night. I hurriedly rushed to pick it up, wondering who would be calling at this an odd hour, puzzled of the fact that it wasn't the ringtone I had set in it. I looked at the phone, the obsene thing in my life which reminds me of a hell lot of traumas, and it showed a remainder alarm; An alarm that I had set exactly a year before...

P.S : Though we all know its the way it is we fake that smile all day round. Pathetic. Life is the unfairest, hilariously cruel game I have ever played ! //// Fingers Crossed.///

P.S :  Its all smiles left to have a look up on. Finally learning to screw up the regrets and disappointments. Life is Short and hence has to be sweeter in every sense. Nighto !

In order to hear Love’s words, you must allow Love to approach. However, when it does draw near, we fear what it might say to us, because Love is free and is not ruled by our will or by what we do. All lovers know this, but refuse to accept it. They think they can seduce Love through submission, power, beauty, wealth, tears and smiles. True Love, however, is the love that seduces and will never allow itself to be seduced. Love transforms, love heals. We are used to thinking that what we give is the same as what we receive, but people who love, expecting to be loved in return, are wasting their time. Love is an act of faith, not an exchange. Contradictions are what make love grow. Conflicts are what allow love to remain by our side. Life is too short for us to keep important words, for example, ‘I love you’, locked in our hearts. -Paulo Coelho. THE MANUSCRIPT FOUND IN ACCRA P.S : Waiting sucks at times. But hardly does it suck when you know its gonna happen so...

P.S : Deprived of sleep on a row of three days and still not feeling sleepy may sound crazy. To clear it all it seems like I am a perfect insomniac.For those who are lunatically with me still, seems kinda sleepy and no wonder I posted this favourite shreya song just to sleep with its rythm rippling in my ears. Nighto !

moongil thottam muligai vaasam niranja mounam nee paadum geetham [a bamboo garden with herbal fragrance filled with Silence and I hear you singing] pournami iravu pani vizhum kaadu othaiyadi paadhaiyil unkuda podinada [it's a full moon night in a forest full of snowfall.. in a narrow foot path.. i am walking with you slowly] ithu pothum enaku..ithu pothume verenna venum nee pothume ithu pothum enaku..ithu pothume verenna venum nee pothume [this is enough for me...just this is enough is there anything more that i could ask for...you are enough for me!]-2 kulanthaang karaiyile kulikkum paravaiga siragu valathume thuliga therikume [birds bathing in a pond shook the water out of it's wings] mun kovam eduthu munthaanai eduthu nee mella thudaikka naa unna anaikka [without any offense you wipe the water off me with your saree and i hug you...] ithu pothum enaku..ithu pothume verenna venum nee p...

                      You know what its interesting to learn from the experiences of the people around you though its far more amazing to learn and realise things on your own, through your life. The only thing I find advantageous about the former is in the time saved,the feelings not strained and the efforts not exhausted. It was always heartbreaking for me to think of a girl/woman being cheated up on and used by people around be it emotionally or sexually, be it by a guy or a friend or at the hiatus be it her lover. You would be thinking why I am that concerned of a girl being used rather than a guy, at the bottom line, every one deserves to be treated equally. Screw the modern concepts of equality, and on diving into the truths, You know the inherent innocense and sincerity of Girls that is not that well known in the Relationship world, often abused and looked up on with a lighter heart, has been proven many times infront of ...

P.S:  Certain things in life are  really irresistible and stays in depth of our minds. These true notions are vivid and strong such that even in a busy world like this they last long and I guess they are infact contagious. A single song or a part of a thing or a place is enough to trigger off that saga of forcefully buried notions and we again start swimming insanely and euphorically in the  crusts and troughs of those captivating thoughts. Feelings for sure are what make us. No way that we should hide those and never ever should we be sorry for a feeling of ours. Life is incredible. Thank God that Life  always gives us an option to appreciate the things that we once never valued.Lets grab those wisely and correct ourselves, learn to value those and be ourselves! Lets learn to Live & Love our Life  :)

 P.S : There are certain things, people and memories in your life, such that no matter how hard you forcefully try to get over and avoid, keeps on rebounding and you have no option left rather than to accept the fact that those were meant to happen and was for the best. Who other than Him knows what future holds? Everything happens for a reason for sure. Believe and Move ahead! Nighto ! :)

P.S : Oh my Gauud ! Innocense. Thats what keepsme hooked to this clip. Who wouldnt fall for Neha.. Love youu :D And the music just keeps you enticing in a world totally different :)

P.S : I love these exam times, when I have to stress out to the whole day and night, burn the midnight oil, sleep and wake up with the books only to  get up with the usual hollow feel the next morning, still confident to write the exams with that spirit which burns within that makes me not to tire away even till the last minutes that makes everyone else around crazy falling for me pathetically, glancing those sympathetic whims at me for being stressed out. Infact I love these last minute tensions and that makes me, this ME !. I haven't ever felt scared to face those, those have always boosted my inner strength. But at times when the tantrums are at the peak I do secretly wish hard to be invisible,tap to the tunes and to dance around the place like a carefree birdie. Dance ofcourse is a prominent stress-buster.And the dancing times are around the corner. Happy Exam Season :D

P.S : Intrigued ! WORDS always do that to me. Its amazing the gallery of thoughts find its way of expression through words every moment. What would we all have done if there weren't words at all?  No language at all? Here goes my thoughts. A maniac for sure I am. Nighto fellas :)

P.S :  December knocks and no matter How hard I try to run away from those feelings, I terribly miss my Pa !

I don't know how people around would relate to something strange and weird as to what the phenomenon of telepathy is and how it does work. But I do believe hard in it Cause I have had much experiences of these magic telepathic waves striking me around the odd hours of the day, panicking and alerting me of some one close being met with something bad,or something terrific.  At times you cant express these whims to those close to heart people, cause they are much farther than what the distances of heart portray. And there will be no rule and reason for you to contact them cause its just forbidden all your life. Strained Complicated Relationships they are ! And it for sure is the reason why at this late hour of the day I am scribbling hard on this blog walls of mine wherein there are only strangers to know whats troubling me, whats finally consuming me at the end of the day, with  just the hope that these whims of mine reach the right person as a random ...

               It was one hot Tuesday afternoon when I was hurriedly rushing through the college corridors that I got this weird call from my friend. Much to my astonishment this friend of mine who has been adding colours to my weekend outing trips here at Cochin , had a very different kinda yet challenging favour set for me this time.  "Tell me that you gonna come with me. I need you to promise me that. " She insisted galore before unveiling the weirdo situation. "Okaaay. Whatever !" I sounded a bit irritated.  " Promise ?  Promise me that." She insisted again.  " Uh-ho ! I gonna be there. Could you please let me know the thing?You know well that I hate these suspenses and surprises. I simply am not the material for those." I spurted out. " Well Amma has arranged a marriage proposal for me. She needs me to meet him today evening. And I need you to come with me. Don't try to pull yourself out of this. I really want ...

It was but yesterday We met in a dream You have sung to me in my loneliness, and I,  Of your longings have built a tower in the sky But now our sleep has fled and our dream is Over, and its no longer dawn. The moon-tide is upon us and our half waking Has turned to fuller day, and we must part. If in the twilight of memory we should meet Once more we shall speak again together and you Shall sing to me a deeper song. And if our hands should meet in another dream We shall build another tower in the sky ! :) P.S : As always The Gibran Effect is prominent to my senses .I dont know why I tend to share this an attatchment to the Gibranic Thoughts. I have always loved them :D Found it hard to resist the urge to post these lines at the intro of The Ancient Promises, of Jayashree Mishra fame.. Well, Exam seasons for sure is the best time to finish off a book. I for sure, looove Readingggg... ! :D  

P.S : I wonder if its just the surreal feeling of being hurt. I'm afraid I might have to say its hell more than that.  Relationships and failure- Definitely something that need to have a thorough penalty imposed on. How I wish its made a reality. So that no one would ever dare to cheat or walk away from relationships, once started :P Still there arises that question what penalty would suffice those sinners? Nothing can compensate the emotional devastation of a person. If ever they would experience it, would it suffice. And there we leave everything to destiny to play its hands to do the justice. If there is darkness here now there for sure is a dawn out there. Amen !

A single act can change lives. Bring us be back to life or shatter it as a whole. When things go wrong, its just that the time had the hitch of destiny. Still there are choices to make, to realise the essence and to take the right decisions. Coz its always the heart's way that's fulfilling. I really don't understand how do all thses people live happily or atleast pretend to be happy even  when everything around goes wrong and when people around wail all the while just becoz of you. Amazingly certain super natural people are bestowed with that unique ability  of not only ignoring the feelings of others but also to cheat and ignore their own too.  They may pretend hard to be alright in the run, still their heart holds the same pain. May be time could heal those, Pathetic it sounds though ! Thats where I differ, why should we have to wait for time to heal those, when things were and are always at our will? At times just a word from you can heal those people. Forgive them f...